FLAT GLOBE

What with the liberal media's constantly going on about the “curvature” of the earth, it’s easy to forget that the theory that the Earth is round is just that: a theory, nothing more, like evolution or relativity, or the Fifth Man or the possibility that one day our species will be enslaved by space invaders who look like Susan Boyle.
Fact is, we all just assume the earth is round – but how do we know? And while we’re on the subject of what we know, did you know that Christopher Columbus, when not out on the high seas looking for plunder, was one of the most popular party magicians in all Genoa? Did you know that the Apollo 8 cargo hold contained an assortment of black drapes and mirrors that were not on the ship’s manifest and whose presence has never been explained, or even noted?
We at Our Store do not consider it Our place to indulge in metaphysical speculation. We are just pointing out that the whole round earth theory is just a theory, that’s all. Whatever.
We also point out that now you can enhance your living room or den with a concrete symbol of tough-minded skepticism in the face of widely known evidence and, quite possibly, the ridicule of friends and family. The Flat Globe goes with virtually any decor, particularly medieval.

CHIA GRASSY KNOLL by Unindicted Gardens

Is it a knick-knack?
Bric-a-brac?
A tchotchke?
A whatsit?
Well, it’s all of them, and an herb garden to boot. But more than anything else, it’s an opportunity to live your fascination with the greatest unsolved presidential mystery of them all, in real time. And you won’t be alone. The Chia Grassy Knoll is the best-selling member of our Conspiracy Classics Collection.



Don’t be surprised if you’re underwhelmed when your Knoll arrives in the mail. It doesn’t look like much – just a slab of terra cotta, a seed packet and some small plastic figures and buildings with no directions as to where they should go.


Not to worry. Just follow these steps:
• Soak the slab.
• Spread the seeds (choice of Texas crabgrass or Country-Tis-of-Thee herb blend)
• Water regularly.
• Watch it grow.




Recreate in miniature the mysteries you’ve been pondering for years. Test your theories. Is the policeman running towards the putative second gunman or is he inexplicably skipping? Plastic buildings and passersby are accurate to scale and bendable. The Running Policeman is flexible enough to credibly dramatize even the unlikeliest scenarios--including the one that has him skipping). Our Chia Grassy Knoll allows you to continue your investigative ruminations without embarrassing your family and while gracing your home with crabgrass scent or fresh herbs.

The Conspiracy Classics Collection includes:

“Paul is Dead” Chia

Florida Voting Booth Chia

Area 51 Chia (shown with optional flying saucer accessory)

All Conspiracy Classic houseplants come with convenient drip tray.

LAST DAYS PAPER SHREDDER

Famines? Check.

Pestilence? Check.

Earthquakes? Check.

Rumors of War? Check.

Violence, falling away from the faith, Middle East tension and Israel as an independent nation with Jerusalem as its capital?

Check, check, check and check.

Are we approaching the End of Days?
Well, duh!

As the Last Judgement draws nigh (or as the Four Horsemen would say, neigh), more than a few of us will have documents we’d like to get rid of. The Last Days Paper shredder is built to withstand earthquakes, locusts and general apocalyptic wear-and-tear while helping you erase as much material record of gross immorality as you’re able to cram in the hopper during those final hours on earth. It’s a pointless task, given the all-seeing nature of G-d, but who expects to be thinking clearly when the Final Trumpet sounds?